This is a short writing exercise I completed shortly after moving here. It holds a lot of memories and emotions for me, so I apologize if it's over the top for my readers. It's never been evaluated or pre-read, so again, apologies.
“Look at those two fighting! And here comes one from behind
and…. He’s got it!” Her laugh seemed to leap from her throat like the last
shreds of sunlight bouncing between tiny ripples on the lagoon surface.
“Oh, what a
little rascal,” Graceful fingers pushed the sunbleached hair behind her ear.
She looked expectantly at him, her mouth still open in a grin.
“Yeah,
they’re feisty little guys.” What an idiot, he thought. She would be gone in
one short night and all he could manage to do was soak up her presence, his
mind slipping into a sort of autopilot while his eyes strained to imprint the
last detail.
This wasn’t
the special evening he had imagined for them. He had been stuck with the chore
of the evening feeding because he had forgotten it earlier. As a result, they
were pretty much stuck on the island for the night. They had done this
countless times before. Tripping over the same tree trunks, stubbing toes on
pesky nubs of old coral that stuck up through the packed dirt. What had become
a mindless chore to him was an adventure for her, always.
“Christ,
why didn’t I slow down?” he continued in thought. Now I only have this one
memory. Always impatient to finish feeding and move on to the next task, he
rushed her with impatient sighs and restless shifting of weight. Even deserting
her mid-laugh at times. He cringed visibly.
“What?” she
asked.
“Just
thinking,” Thinking of how much I will miss your fascination with the mundane.
The mesmerizing way you can turn the ordinary into an adventure. How you can be
enthralled with shore crabs fighting over pieces of putrid sardine.
She
crouched down by the waters’ edge to peek at a crab-battle that had slipped
behind a rock. How can something so tiny occupy such a large part of my heart
and fill such a huge portion of my mind? He wanted to touch her. His arm raised
involuntarily a few inches, but he lowered it instantly. He wanted this scene
to play out without his interruptions.
Her
sunkissed cheeks beamed at him.
“Come here
and look,” she pointed slyly at the crabs darting in and out of the water. With
a small sigh that combined both heartache and resignation he did as she asked.
The sun
continued to slip behind the mangroves, leaving them in a still and quiet
warmth. The sky turned deeper blue and the first two stars winked on.
“Well,” she
said finally, “I guess I could use some dinner,”
“You got
it,”. Suave. Simply suave. I hope she doesn’t remember what an absolute moron I
was tonight. He touched her face, feeling her press the weight of her head
against him.
***
She always
pushed it. It was as though the dramas that played out along the waterline
cried out to be observed. As though the little crabbies would politely divvy up
the scraps and wave at each other in a neighborly manner if there were no one
to watch their antics.
Tonight was
different. He was absorbed in something she could almost understand, if she
allowed herself to. But she wasn’t ready for that. No, she thought, not ready
yet. She tore the scraps of fish into small ribbons and toyed with the tiny
warriors clambering over the rocks in front of her. A lone eel poked its head
from a hidey-hole to sniff at the aroma.
“Not for
you, my friend,” I can’t believe he’s letting me get away with this. I love it.
She looked up at him. His eyes were so searching that it nearly frightened her.
“Look at
those two fighting! And here comes one from behind and…. He’s got it!” she
laughed. He really loves me. Her stomach flipped. This was not what she had
envisioned when this tall handsome man had first asked her for a drink. She had
not planned on liking him so much. She had not expected that he should like her
in return.
“Oh, what a
little rascal,” she said. Though whether she was speaking for the crab or the
man beside her was uncertain. The water reflected his dark form like the barest
whisper of a shadow. This is what it will be like when I’m gone. All I will
have are the impressions of memories. Recollections of feelings.
“Yeah,
they’re feisty little guys.” She grinned down at the sand. He would never have
said something like that on any normal day. A normal day and he would be
halfway up the hill toward the apartments and I’d be sitting here by myself.
Not that it mattered. He never mocked her childlike interests, merely left her
to them. Her eyes traveled to his feet. Brown from the sun and freckled, just
like the rest of him.
She
absentmindedly picked apart a cube of fish and tossed the bits to the waving
claws of her tiny audience. Her heart ached and her eyes begged for release,
but she wouldn’t face the fact that she had elected to leave him the next day.
The thought both scared and excited her. What a man for me to have met now.
Now, when I am dead set against anyone standing in the way of my crazy dreams
and foolhardy ideas.
He had
stood next to her as she waded through the despair of divorce. He had held her
head in his hands when she thought she could withstand no more. He had shown
her the excitement of his interests. They shared the wonder of breathing
underwater. She remembered with a small shake of her head how he had guided her
to their first minor skirmish. How her stomach had been knotted! Bile rising in
her throat, her heart pounding wildly, adrenaline coursing like jolts of
lightning down her limbs. In the end the argument had been, well, relieving.
His embrace just as warm afterward as it had been before. And she was leaving
him.
“What?” she
asked after coming to her senses and finding him still staring at her, as
though trying to interpret her like a piece of intriguing art.
“Just thinking,” he replied. Yeah,
thinking of me naked. She gave a wan, one-sided smile. That was alright. He had
shown her the wonders of intimacy, too. And how. She squatted down to hide her
smile. Ah, I’m going to miss all this. I want to remember it all. The warmth,
the humid air like a warm blanket. The sound of a hundred tiny claws clicking
and clacking away. The splash of a fish, the rustle of the leaves. The smell,
oh the smell of the ocean and beach. The fruit on the trees on the hillside.
And my man. I’ll always remember how he did this for me.
“Come here and look,” a giggle
barely concealed itself behind her request. He’d never have done this if she
were staying. I wonder how far I can push this, she wondered. He obliged, not
without a small sigh that almost sounded like a plea. She pointed at the
armored battle before her. Please come get me, her heart cried. Tell me you
need me, you want me, tell me your heart feels as empty as mine. Her mind broke
in with clipped edges, arguing something about freedom and the open road. Oh
shut up, she thought. The sun had gone down and she was having difficulty
telling his shadow from the rest.
“Well,” she
said finally, “I guess I could use some dinner,” I’m not ready for this to end,
please let it continue. If this one night could last for eternity…
“You got it,” His hand reached out
for her and she smiled knowing she would never have to duck under it. Her heart
cried out in agony knowing she would never feel it again in this way.
